Ho-Ho-Horrible

Recently there have been lots of horror talks, during lunch time with lunch kakis, while with cg kakis, etc… I guess it started with me telling my horror story of being oppressed for 2 seconds in the cave hotel at Cappadocia in Turkey – that was big part of the reason for my prolonged jetlag in the first week I was back from holiday. It was the only night for that week that we got to stay in a hotel. The rest of the nights were spent on trains, buses and planes, and the darn invisible room occupant chose to disturb me of all people. Arrgghh… I only had like 8 – 10 hours of sleep max for that whole week! Then, during the staff retreat last week, 2 of the guys got spooked in their room (in our 1 or 2 star, eerie looking budget hotel) where one of them was oppressed twice on the first night there, followed by their TV set being switched on by itself at 5+am in the morning, while the remote control was found lying on the floor!

Anyway, lunch session today turned a ruckus as we tried to analyse why of all people who stayed in the same hotel, the said guy was the “favorite choice”. (I shouldn’t mention names here to protect their privacy, heh!). Speculations ranged from the theories like the evil ones would only attack either a very spiritual or unspiritual person in the room, OR, a single man as opposed to a married one, OR, simply that he’s got the challenging look of “dun come near me or I’d show u my moves!”. (Yah, what encouraging group of colleagues we are indeed – identifying with one’s misfortune by laughters).

After a string of “horrifying” stories being contributed from the table, I added on to the repertoire by telling them 2 which I heard last Sun from CG kakis. Both happened in the same 4 or 5 star-hotel in Bangkok.

First one was when one gal came out from shower and saw her name written halfway on the foggy mirror, and when she got her friend to go into the bathroom to look at the mirror, her whole name was already written on it! Creepy!! The second story was from another CG kaki, about one of her friends who stayed in the same hotel and finding all the toiletries dropping one after another to the floor of the shower cubicle or bathtub while she was taking shower, and thought that the surface was wet. But it was actually dry when she checked. And when she put back those bottles, they dropped again to the floor. The last straw was when her bra, other than the toiletries, also dropped to the floor and she ran out from the shower immediately. Very creepy!!!

Then one of the listeners commented, “oh, she wore too big sized bra la, that’s why it dropped!”. Many faces went :O ???, before sis Joy's scolding came his way,“ eh hallo, it was in the shower room! victim was taking shower. what are you thinking of ah? dirty mind thinks dirty things only! hiyoh…”. HAHAHAHA… I guess we all knew that it was a “slow” rather than a “dirty” response from that misunderstood fella! (I have a new theory then: maybe the invisible evil ones prefer to attack those who are "blur or borderline sotong" instead?? but I have to qualify that this ONLY applies to male victims! :B). We may never be laughing our ways to the bank, but with colleagues like these, we sure can laugh our way back to office every lunch trip! Hilarious! Who needs to go for comedy show or the zoo to be entertained?!

Anyway, enough is enough for horror stories. I shall repent from telling, contributing or inciting these kind of horrific talk anymore :p)

He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world, amen!

Secret Place

Sacred things and sacred moments. What would life be without them? Life should have those whispers of the Divine into the soul. A secret conversation, that secret knowledge unspoken in words which is just between you and Him at that secret place, where no one else is allowed.

Today the reminders of those sacred moments flooded my mind on my way to work. His whispers, His promises, His love and assurance, things He would do in me and through me came crashing down my dull senses.

I wonder if those moments were similar to what drove His beloved ones to do reckless things for Him: Mary on her reckless shopping that cost her all she had on that alabaster jar of perfume, just for His feet; John to lay his head on His heart – despite the irks and smirks from the rest of the macho guys around, just so that he could hear his Lord’s heartbeat. Love drives people to do reckless things and abandon themselves to do things they can’t even comprehend themselves.

I know I’ve somehow lost that recklessness I once had when I first knew Him. I’ve much forgotten those sacred moments and naturally chosen the neutral, familiar and predictable path of life instead. The arrogance of spiritual adolescence has robbed me of that simple, child-like dependence on Him. Like a fire that’s burning brightly but without the heat, the wind that blows but without moving a single thing… It’s a strange feeling to know that you’ve been away and sucked into your own world for quite a while, while being around all this time.

In the midst of desperate cries for His touch, and to relive that intimacy and bring back the heat into that fire, I heard Him whispering the answer, that there’s only one way: to go back to that Secret Place.

I will, ‘cos there’s no other way. I will let my tears anoint His feet. I will put my head upon His heart. I will let the whole world dim down and pass by me… I want to be recklessly abandoned to my Lord, once again…

I will run to the hiding place
I will run to the hiding place
Draw me ever closer to look upon Your face
I will run to the hiding place

I have found myself a hiding place
I have found myself a secret space
In the shelter of Almighty's love
In the safety of the Savior's arms

I have found myself a hiding place
I have found myself a secret space
In the refuge of the Father's care
In the cleansing blood of Jesus there

Though my fears may overwhelm me
And troubles they surround
Though the wind rise up to take me
My hiding place is already found

(Hiding Place – by Jared Anderson)

Through The Fog

@ Somewhere in Turkey – 23 Oct 2009

As I am writing this, the bus’ digital clock shows 4:15am, 11 degree Celcius. I am on the bus travelling from Goreme, Cappadocia, a small town in Turkey on the way to Istanbul. It’ll be a butt-painstaking journey of around 12 hours, starting from 8pm yesterday till around 8am upon our arrival @ Istanbul. (Istanbul is 5 hours behind Singapore time).

As usual, I can’t sleep (again) on this bus journey. That’s after a 2 hour sleep only last night in the cave hotel at Goreme (which reason is another long story to tell).

The pain in my butt and neck (and not to mention, the occasional outrageous bad breath from some Turkey ah peks sitting in front of me :@) literally woke me up from my already not comfortable sleep. I looked at the clock, it was 3:15 and 9deg C. The first scene which greeted me the moment I opened my eyes was pitch darkness all around, with completely fogged up bus windows on my left, right, and gosh, the front screen, too! I tried to clean up the windows on my right, before realising that it wasn’t the window glasses which were fogged up, but that the fog was all over surrounding the bus itself. It was yellowish foggy scene, just like what I usually see in my nightmares, or a scene from an apocalypse movie! Instinctively the paranoid me was awaken completely, to start praying. As I could see from my seat, the visibility outside for the driver was merely 1 – 2 metres ahead, with not much lighting on the road for help. Having travelled this route just 2 days ago, I knew that there are some sharp turns and bends along the journey. It would be one challenging journey ahead with this limited visibility, surrounded by the thick yellowish fog!

As I prayed for God to clear the fog, the driver was inching bit by bit by following the dim signs on the road. I couldn’t tell at all whether the bus would be going straight, making a turn soon, or even if there’s any road divider coming our way! Suddenly I was kinda relieved that the one at the driver seat wasn’t yours truly! I believe that driver should be someone who has been driving this route for countless times and is familiar with the terrains. The fog cleared up finally. But before long, the bus was caught in a thick fog again, and again, and again.

Going through another foggy section now, I was reminded of the journey in our walk with the Lord. There would be time and again, when our vision is fogged up by our circumstances and we can’t see far. As what the bus driver has been doing for the past many hours, he relies heavily on the road signs, which no matter how dimly visible, are always showing him the right way to go. When our vision is fogged up, we, too, have to refer to the road signs closely – His word & the counsel of godly people around us, which will point us to the right direction. And more importantly to me, it’s who’s at the driver seat. If it were to be me, things would definitely go haywire in no time!

This trip itself has been an aptly practical reminder for me, as simple a message as it is. May God always be the one at my driver’s seat. And may He bring us safely to our destination.

It is 5:07am on the digital clock now. The bus is again, going through a new bout of densely fogged journey ahead after the 30 minutes toilet break (on another note, that stopover place strangely resembles Yong Peng’s stopover a lot, down to the location/look of the facilities at that premise!). It is still a challenging journey ahead, but the paranoid me is calm now – knowing that God is the One at the driver seat (the Turkey ah pek driving it now is just someone fortunate enough to be given the practical job!).

Still foggy all around – seen from Istanbul’s main road. Imagine how it was like when we were down there!

Victor or Victim?

Once in a while, one will be presented with a situation or an event where her mind will be challenged, and some deep thinking, a rumination of self values and how her life has been lived accordingly may result. When this sort of things happens, it’s actually a blessing. I always believe in intangible gift of such, which may seem trivial but in essence, is a kairos moment for the soul as I go through that event chronologically with the ticking of the clock.

How often do we live through our days without thinking about where we are going with what we are doing; why do we do what we do? Do we even realise that the world has caught us unaware, that we have been turned into rats racing in our little wheels, round and round as we chase those worldly snares camouflaged as “success”? Or are we still in control of our life, living it fully according to the blueprint that our Creator has designed for us? 

A kairos moment this evening has caused me (and I believe, many others who attended the Marketplace Theology seminar), to take a step back and reassess my life and values as a Christian.

It is a scary thought to realise that globalisation has caught up with our lives, and with it, a big question facing me: am I catching up with it, or have I been left behind?

It is even scarier, to realise that my views about my work, community and the way I profess my faith, have somehow been influenced to a certain extent and shaped by the culture in the marketplace and value systems of the world, where the worth of a person is defined by how much value they will bring to me. Subconsciously, we are measuring the output, revenue, margins, the “what’s in it for me” for every hour or dollar or even, heart devotion I put into them. Have we put another person into a situation that lessens their value as a respectable human being, an esteemed child of God by putting them into a box labelled with “such & such” and assigned them lesser tasks according to those labels, so that whatever result they produce will not jeopardize our “output” or work result? Have we live and operate based on that world systems, where we build relationships based on the certain values we put on people: how much to put in and on how much output we think they will bring into our world?

It is also a frightening fact, that many, unconsciously no doubt, have chosen to resign their “fate” into their life circumstances, because of “no choice” condition. “I have no choice, as my work/boss/life goal demands this. I have to get stuff done for them and I have no time for other things, especially for those spiritual stuff. Anyway, it’s ongoing for life and they can always wait…”. The question to ask is: are we in control of our life and living according to the values that God has for us, or are we being controlled by our circumstances, with our spiritual life as the cost as we chase our worldly pursuits? As the speaker said, “how insidious!” – indeed! how many times have we allowed ourselves to be the victim of our circumstances, succumbing to the world systems and values and sacrificing our spiritual well-being, rather than be the victors who are in control and living a life that professes our faith in Christ with our lifestyle and choices we make?

Last but definitely not the least, it is the questions of my relevance to the world as I am called to share the Good News and make disciples:

• What is my core belief and identity?
• How do I build relationships of value, meaning and communication with others?
• How do I dialogue and understand the philosophical and semantic worldview of others as I am reaching out to them? (the harder question is: am I actually reaching out to them, or to anyone at all?)
• Do I just shove MY views and beliefs down their throats and judge their value systems, without trying to build the relationships and understand them?
• Have my view of my faith been neutralised by the postmodernism culture we are already living in, where there is no absolute truth; what is true is defined by the context one is in?
• Have I “personalise” and “privatise” my faith in the name of tolerance and to be culturally relevant and politically correct?
• Has care group or the church been a place to escape to, a safe haven that shields us from the reprieve from the world, or have we been salt and light to the world instead?
• How have I brought a sense of God’s calling into my workplace, and into the life of the people who work with me?
• What can I do to make my workplace/dept/team an offering to God?

It has been a night of awakening and paradigm-shifting which will last me a lifetime to work on, perhaps. But as Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. The clear mandate is that I need to be a responsible disciple who will continue to learn, read widely, be knowledgeable about the world I am in, and yet be theologically grounded so that I won’t be “of the world” as I am living out my calling. Quoting the prolific speaker, “This is our cross. Christian life is never easy.” Indeed.

A Writer’s Prayer

This is a prayer for a Writer, an Author, a Journalist (or even, a Blogger!), for all whose craft it is to use words which many will hear and read.

 

O God, You gave me the gift and the responsibility of using words. Help me in all my writing and my speaking to be the servant of goodness, of beauty and of truth. Help me never to write or to say anything which would injure another’s innocence or take another’s faith away.

Help me never to write or say anything which would make that which is wrong more attractive, or which would soil the mind of anyone who reads or hears it.

Help me never to pander to that which is low, never to seek popularity at the expense of truth, never to be more concerned with sensations than with facts, and always to respect the feelings and the rights of other people.

Grant that all I write or say be such that it can stand the scrutiny of my own conscience, and such that I could with a clear conscience offer it to You.

This I ask for Your love’s sake.

Amen.

- William Barclay

Hope

Is it splashed across the blue of the wide-open sky, the purple of lavender field, the salmon of the dawn, the iridescence of rainbows?

Does it echo through the valley, the tick tock of the clock, the cries of a new born babe?

Do you smell it in the rain, the freshly baked loaf of bread, that familiar whiff of the lingering scents?

Do you feel it pounding within, in the vibes that flutter, when your heart skips a beat?

Do you find it in the promises spoken, the beautiful dreams when you close your eyes, imagination of childhood fantasies transpiring?

It is the essence by which faith endures.

It is in you.

All around you. 

If you would only keep on dreaming.

And believing.

 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1) 

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God,  
for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. (Psalm 43:5)

A Faith Personified Encounter

I met up with my one of my old buddies for lunch last week, and came back from it encouraged and deeply ministered by the whole conversation.

Two years down the road in the recovery of her son who fell, got his head and part of his brain injured as a result, my dear friend is still the same joyful person, and has emerged an even stronger one in her faith.

She shared about her journey which has been filled with struggles, joy and encouragement throughout these trying 2 years, and how God has been so close and is there for her every time especially when doubts set in.

Her stories about her youngest child, the 5 year old feisty gal, brought tears to our eyes. During her family’s Catholic pilgrimage to Lourdes/Fátima for the holy water for her son’s healing, she recounted the story of how her young daughter stood up in the church’s compound there and suddenly raised her hand and voice as she prayed aloud, “God, I surrender my life and give everything I have to you if You could please make my brother well again!”. For a five-year-old to do that and say such a prayer, it was just so divine.

And one day at home recently when she was lying down in her room and asking God in her heart when He would do the miracle and heal her son completely, her little gal who was doodling nearby her bed, out of the sudden approached her. She said, “Mommy, I had a dream last night. I dreamt God told me, ‘everything will be ok in God’s time. It’s not our timing, but in God’s timing’.” Then off she went back to her doodling on the floor. Tears welled up her eyes, as she knew that was the message from God for her. Just right at the time when she started to question Him, He spoke through the little one.

“God is really close, Fen, really, really close. He speaks when I really needed to hear His voice and assurance.” She then showed me the video recording on her phone, of how her son has started to walk without his walking stick and was seen trying to run with the maid chasing after him. The daily 4-hour therapy on him conducted by her, her 2 maids and the little gal is so physically demanding for all, but through it all, the boy has never tried even once to skip it, and even voiced out his prayers and heart burden as his limbs and head are being stretch that “I will get well soon! I will be able to walk and run soon. God will heal me soon!”

Listening to her, I can’t help but praise God for His strength and providence upon my dear friend’s family, and for His grace upon my life. Once too often, I thought my situation was “really trying”. And He has to show me through His other child, that I so need to look out, look up and know how blessed I’ve been. My “trials” were really nothing, in comparison to what my friend and her family are going through - let alone if compared to many in the world who are really suffering in their lives due to sickness, poverty, and injustice.

I have met a faith personified who speaks and lives out the message of truth on God’s promises, that:

* He will draw close to those who draw near to Him (James 4:8)

* Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God (Matt 5:8)

* And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 18:3)

* Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see; faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (Heb 11:1; James 2:17)

Through my friend, I have seen pure hearts that draw near to God and see Him as a result; I have seen faith that is so much alive and full of action, one based purely on the promises of God that He will do as He says.

 

And here I am, once again, standing corrected; experiencing His grace that whispers: I have been so much more blessed than I know.